Honesty in art

I have a day job. I work at a magazine. It's publishing, but it's also advertising. My background is in advertising (for the past 16 years). So, as a painter, I find it a challenge to simply paint with honesty, because the "sell" gets in the way. When deciding what to paint next, I often think, "What will sell?" instead of simply painting what I want to paint. Honesty can be controversial and I live in a small-ish town that is on the conservative side. Personal honesty can be impertinent to the trends and therefore ineffective as a product. Meaning: sometimes what goes on in my mind, no one would really care about anyway.

I'm painting gators right now. I live in central Florida, so this makes a lot of sense. I'm painting them orange and blue, which also makes sense given that none of my painting have realistic color. I prefer to transcend reality or racial specificity by using bold, emotional colors instead. I wonder, though, if I would have chosen gators to paint next had I not been planning to show and sell locally. Does that make me a sell-out? Is that dishonest? I really do love my reference of the gators, I shot it a couple of years ago and think it's a fabulous photo. I just don't know.

I am also writing a book (yeah, in my spare time). Honesty in writing is even more challenging, but not because of the sell-factor, because of the bearing-my-soul-factor. I know that the more honestly I write the more interesting, shocking, identifiable the story is... the more emotional and touching it is. It's almost like I have to write as if no one will ever read it, and then deal with showing it later.

Getting that honest emotion into painting, though, while branding myself as an artist, is difficult. How to meld the marketer that I am with the artist that I am, that's the hurdle. For now my answer seems to be - paint what I want AND paint what I think will sell. Not one or the other. Then, let the chips fall where they may.